Matthew 10:16 says we should be as shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves.
That's a tough row to hoe sometimes.
But sometimes, in this type of ministry, it has to be one of our guiding principles. I always say it's only 5% of people we have to worry about. (That's just a guess, not a hard fact.) That's in any crowd, not just the food pantry waiting room.
I like people to be happy. I seek to avoid conflict. I'd always rather be a dove.
It wasn't one of those week.
Last November, I wrote a series on a week in the life of a food pantry leader. If I had written that this week, it would have been fodder for reality TV. Or a sitcom.
In many ways, we are in a great season of growth and change. Volunteers have been working diligently to get a computer system up and running for us. We served record numbers of people in September, many of them new, without undue stress. We've had great conversations with those in need and others our community. We have witnessed as some people have found hope. We have been given the opportunity to share many Bibles with adults, teens, and kids.
Kindness, goodness, and God have played a big part in this week.
I sincerely am blessed to be doing this.
So I hope this doesn't come across as whining and complaining. I think it is important, though, to pull back the curtain sometimes. I don't think most people would believe the goodness I talk about that I see in people if I disregarded the rest.
It was a challenging week at our food pantry. This is not the norm.
My friend Gretchen runs a sister pantry in town. She was the victim of a "serial scammer" this week. He lied and stole from her pantry, even after being given food. It wasn't the relatively small loss of food, but the sense of violation that he left in his wake. He doesn't know the time and effort she put into that food he stole. It hurts my heart for her, because I know how much she invests of herself in her ministry.
On Tuesday, during our open hours, I was challenged.
We had a family bring in a child who seemed to fairly obviously have chicken pox. On the one hand, I am praising God that this child was with his dad. He has fought for custody for years because of the bad environment the kid was living in with his mother. On the other hand, I have other guests to worry about too.
They came in with friends, all people who are lovely in their own right and known to us. But it took awhile to get them to admit that they were unsure what was wrong with him and they were't actually certain he wasn't contagious. I think they were afraid we would send them away without food if we thought he was contagious.
By the time I got that sorted out, he had been in our waiting room for over 15 minutes. We moved them out a bit farther away from folks. Some volunteers offered advice about where to take the child, since they could not afford the copay most places. They were worried about him, as am I. But I am also worried about the many guests we have with compromised immune systems who were in that waiting room.
It was a hard call between being kind to this family (and not making the kid feel, literally, like a leper), and taking care of everyone else.
Shortly after, we had another couple come who we see fairly regularly.
Nice people.
Usually.
They talked to me about their 2 year old grandson and got some books for him.
They usually remember to bring their own bags. Since I never remember things like that, it always makes me happy to see that they do.
There are serious health and pain management problems for both of them. There may be substance abuse issues, but that's just a guess.
They were in the waiting room later, when only 2 new young ladies with a toddler were there. I was in and out of the room. I didn't hear what happened. But these young ladies quickly asked how much longer they had to wait because the husband of this couple was speaking in a way that was offensive and making them uncomfortable.
I went to run this past my co-leader, and she said another week (when I was out), a similar instance happened with a volunteer.
I felt like I had to speak to him. I planned to make it light, a "try to watch the language" suggestion. Did I mention I don't like confrontation? I admitted to him that I hadn't heard it first hand, but I had 2 separate reports from 2 different weeks, and so I felt I needed to let him know. His wife suggested maybe someone had misunderstood something. (After I heard what was said directly to this volunteer, I know this is not the case.) I agreed, and said maybe just be cautious if speaking about things that could be misunderstood.
He went ballistic.
He threatened to call the media on us.
I suggested he do just that, because we would welcome the chance to share the story of our ministry in a public forum.
By the way, did I mention that I don't get paid to do this and I will not be verbally abused and you're welcome for the free food. (Okay, I probably said it more nicely than that, but that's what I thought. But mostly that's what I said.)
It wasn't my finest moment.
Perhaps my failing was less in that grace-less response, and more that I was too much of a dove in approaching this situation and not enough of a snake.
Later, when I talked to the previously offended volunteer, we had a great conversation about root causes and the types of pain this family might be going through. There is room for grace here. But next time, I also need to approach him with more shrewdness.
Oh, and while I'm dealing with chicken pox and offensive language and being yelled at and managing a pretty big crowd....someone stole from our Dollar Shop. It was just t-shirts. Quite a few t-shirts. I would have given them away anyway if someone asked. But really, why not just ask? It wasn't the loss of the items. That was no big deal at all. It was the violation.
And yet, in all of that, I have been called to remember why we do this.
GRACE.
I have plenty of rotten, awful moments. I am not perfect. (Refer back to the conversation I had with my yelling friend.)
God still loves me. God still gave his son for me, and continues to give to me in big and small ways all the time. I cannot loose His love, even in my worst moments.
My prayer is that God will help us demonstrate this type of love to our neighbors.
We need to welcome back the people who frustrate us, the people who steal, and lie, and treat us poorly, and yell.
I think we do these things to God all the time. He always welcomes us back.
We not only need to allow them to come back, we need to invite them. We need to have our arms open for hugs, and words of sincere kindness and forgiveness on our lips.
We need......I need..... God's grace to do this.
If you pray for our ministry this week, pray that we be filled with grace-filled love.
By the way, wondering how we know if someone is being honest? Visit this post.
Showing posts with label us. Show all posts
Showing posts with label us. Show all posts
Friday, October 2, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
The Dollar Shop: Why we charge for clothing
This week, it was brought to my attention that there was an online discussion about the fact that we charge for clothing.
Wow! People are noticing us.
Of course, the more people notice the more I want to be publicly transparent about our operating procedures.
We offer food, books, Bibles, and assorted random items for free. (Random things could include paper products, toiletries, school supplies, small toys, and most recently Christian CDs and DVDs and lots of educational "My Plate" plates.)
We charge for clothing. Usually.
Our clothing closet, called The Dollar Shop, is a small area in one corner of our pantry that most highly exemplifies the "us" concept, and the spirit of empowerment and individual development that we strive for.
Anyone can donate. Anyone can shop. This includes church attenders, those receiving help from the food pantry, and unchurched community members looking for a place to plug in.
When someone receiving help from the pantry is seeking a tangible way to give back, this is a simple and direct path for them to do so. They bring in things the kids have outgrown or that they no longer wear, and know those donations can turn into extra funding to support our programs.
When someone shops, they can get a great bargain and know their dollars matter.
We regularly have folks find suits, dresses, coats, shoes, and every day wear for $1 an item. Those who shop are proud of their purchases.
I'm pretty proud of the $1 Nikes I picked up. One of the dear ladies who uses our pantry tried them on first, we compared sizes, and when they didn't fit her, she had me try them on. I have funky to fit feet, so we were both delighted (and surprised) that they fit me. I really needed some new shoes and was waiting until I had the extra funds, so we talked about how God provided. It wasn't just the bargain and the much needed shoes, but that little piece of community in the transaction that made me so happy.
On the other hand, this is still a charitable clothing closet when it needs to be. We want people to be warm in the winter. We want their kids to have clothes for school. We want them to have clothes for work. If there is an emergency need, we give away what we have, and often solicit additional donations in needed sizes.
For example, we are currently collecting polo shirts, khakis, and black pants to benefit students at an area alternative high school. We have helped families after fires. We have helped get kids clothes for back to school. We have provided for a senior who lost her clothing in an eviction.
We also give things that have been hanging around in The Dollar Shop too long. The ladies who run this part of our ministry are getting ready to switch out clothes for the season, and all of the summer stuff will be given away for free. (It's still warm in Virginia, so the free short sleeve shirts will still get wear for awhile.)
We don't make a fortune out of this. I would think a good month brings us $30 in profits. It does not financially sustain us. That's not the point.
The Dollar Shop makes people happy. The thrill of the hunt for a bargain is great. The satisfaction in giving and working together is what we're all about.
Wow! People are noticing us.
Of course, the more people notice the more I want to be publicly transparent about our operating procedures.
We offer food, books, Bibles, and assorted random items for free. (Random things could include paper products, toiletries, school supplies, small toys, and most recently Christian CDs and DVDs and lots of educational "My Plate" plates.)
We charge for clothing. Usually.
Our clothing closet, called The Dollar Shop, is a small area in one corner of our pantry that most highly exemplifies the "us" concept, and the spirit of empowerment and individual development that we strive for.
Anyone can donate. Anyone can shop. This includes church attenders, those receiving help from the food pantry, and unchurched community members looking for a place to plug in.
When someone receiving help from the pantry is seeking a tangible way to give back, this is a simple and direct path for them to do so. They bring in things the kids have outgrown or that they no longer wear, and know those donations can turn into extra funding to support our programs.
When someone shops, they can get a great bargain and know their dollars matter.
We regularly have folks find suits, dresses, coats, shoes, and every day wear for $1 an item. Those who shop are proud of their purchases.
I'm pretty proud of the $1 Nikes I picked up. One of the dear ladies who uses our pantry tried them on first, we compared sizes, and when they didn't fit her, she had me try them on. I have funky to fit feet, so we were both delighted (and surprised) that they fit me. I really needed some new shoes and was waiting until I had the extra funds, so we talked about how God provided. It wasn't just the bargain and the much needed shoes, but that little piece of community in the transaction that made me so happy.
On the other hand, this is still a charitable clothing closet when it needs to be. We want people to be warm in the winter. We want their kids to have clothes for school. We want them to have clothes for work. If there is an emergency need, we give away what we have, and often solicit additional donations in needed sizes.
For example, we are currently collecting polo shirts, khakis, and black pants to benefit students at an area alternative high school. We have helped families after fires. We have helped get kids clothes for back to school. We have provided for a senior who lost her clothing in an eviction.
We also give things that have been hanging around in The Dollar Shop too long. The ladies who run this part of our ministry are getting ready to switch out clothes for the season, and all of the summer stuff will be given away for free. (It's still warm in Virginia, so the free short sleeve shirts will still get wear for awhile.)
We don't make a fortune out of this. I would think a good month brings us $30 in profits. It does not financially sustain us. That's not the point.
The Dollar Shop makes people happy. The thrill of the hunt for a bargain is great. The satisfaction in giving and working together is what we're all about.
Monday, January 12, 2015
I live here too.
Back in November, a young man came to my door soliciting sales for a home improvement company. I normally get irritated by door-to-door solicitors, particularly since I seem to get one from this company "doing work in my neighborhood" on a regular basis. But he was friendly, so I stood on the porch to chat for a few minutes.
He was trying to make enough money doing this job to get his son everything he asked for for Christmas. He was so proud of his son for doing well in school, and thought he deserved the gifts. He also wanted his son to see his dad working hard like this so he might make different choices and do better for himself. He talked about how no matter what, God is good, and it was all going to work out fine.
I told him that honestly, as much as we might need it, home repairs just weren't in our budget. I told him that if I won the lottery I would totally give him a call to set up an appointment.
"I live here too," he said with a nod.
He didn't mean he lives in my neighborhood, or even in my part of town. What he was saying, in direct and simple eloquence was "I get it. Me too." In that one simple phrase, there was just a beautiful us-ness.
I live here too.
He gave me a great way of re-framing a ministry problem I have been grappling with for awhile now.
For the past couple of years I have been learning about asset based community development and Christian community development. I have read books such as Toxic Charity and When Helping Hurts
(If you want to learn more, I highly recommend checking out Wendy McCaig's blog and Aaron Lee's series on Toxic Charity.)
These ideas excite me. They make so much sense!
And yet....they don't exactly fit our ministry model and the population with whom we work.
You know that pair of jeans in your closet that you just can't get rid of? They look good on the hanger, they're soft, they would look great with your favorite sweater. Except when you put them on, they aren't quite right. They kind of fit, and they kind of don't. A belt helps, but something about them bugs you every time you put them on.
That's the way I feel about abcd and our ministry. I've tried to make it fit. I want it to fit. It doesn't quite.
Community development is centered around people who are geographically close. Community (at least in one sense here) is a physical concept.
Our food pantry and related ministries serve a suburban population. Many people who come to us are the only person on their block or in their neighborhood in financial need. Some live in low income pockets clumped together, while others live in affluent areas where they are still living in the same house they had since before the bottom fell out. Some people we see are seniors living in assisted living homes. We've had a few people living in cars, hotels, on friends couches. They are not bound by geography the way traditional community development sees it.
A movement within community development is "moving into the neighborhood." Instead of driving from your home in place "x" to "y" every day to work with a community from afar, you move in and become a neighbor. You develop the "us" by becoming geographically close so you can understand each other, and this community, better.
But how do I move into a neighborhood when there isn't one? Where would I move to be closer to the people I work with? Some of them already live in my neighborhood, but many others don't.
I live here too.
Such a simple concept. A place to start.
The neighborhood we inhabit with those we work with is more than geography.
For those of us in suburban ministry, we need to be willing to metaphorically move into the neighborhood. We might need to sacrifice our material comfort (which frankly should be easy for many of us since pantry leaders tend to work for free). Our choices might need to look more like the choices our neighbors in need make than the ones our more affluent neighbors make. It might affect our home, or clothes, our car, our vacations. We might need to reexamine our material priorities.
We need to not only get to know those we work with personally, but invite them to labor alongside of us. We need to break bread together. We need to share information and resources with each other. We need to develop a different type of community while also nurturing individual development.
If you work in suburban ministry, I would love to hear from you about how this looks in your neighborhood. Leave a comment and lets start a conversation.
He was trying to make enough money doing this job to get his son everything he asked for for Christmas. He was so proud of his son for doing well in school, and thought he deserved the gifts. He also wanted his son to see his dad working hard like this so he might make different choices and do better for himself. He talked about how no matter what, God is good, and it was all going to work out fine.
I told him that honestly, as much as we might need it, home repairs just weren't in our budget. I told him that if I won the lottery I would totally give him a call to set up an appointment.
"I live here too," he said with a nod.
He didn't mean he lives in my neighborhood, or even in my part of town. What he was saying, in direct and simple eloquence was "I get it. Me too." In that one simple phrase, there was just a beautiful us-ness.
I live here too.
He gave me a great way of re-framing a ministry problem I have been grappling with for awhile now.
For the past couple of years I have been learning about asset based community development and Christian community development. I have read books such as Toxic Charity and When Helping Hurts
(If you want to learn more, I highly recommend checking out Wendy McCaig's blog and Aaron Lee's series on Toxic Charity.)
These ideas excite me. They make so much sense!
And yet....they don't exactly fit our ministry model and the population with whom we work.
You know that pair of jeans in your closet that you just can't get rid of? They look good on the hanger, they're soft, they would look great with your favorite sweater. Except when you put them on, they aren't quite right. They kind of fit, and they kind of don't. A belt helps, but something about them bugs you every time you put them on.
That's the way I feel about abcd and our ministry. I've tried to make it fit. I want it to fit. It doesn't quite.
Community development is centered around people who are geographically close. Community (at least in one sense here) is a physical concept.
Our food pantry and related ministries serve a suburban population. Many people who come to us are the only person on their block or in their neighborhood in financial need. Some live in low income pockets clumped together, while others live in affluent areas where they are still living in the same house they had since before the bottom fell out. Some people we see are seniors living in assisted living homes. We've had a few people living in cars, hotels, on friends couches. They are not bound by geography the way traditional community development sees it.
A movement within community development is "moving into the neighborhood." Instead of driving from your home in place "x" to "y" every day to work with a community from afar, you move in and become a neighbor. You develop the "us" by becoming geographically close so you can understand each other, and this community, better.
But how do I move into a neighborhood when there isn't one? Where would I move to be closer to the people I work with? Some of them already live in my neighborhood, but many others don't.
I live here too.
Such a simple concept. A place to start.
The neighborhood we inhabit with those we work with is more than geography.
For those of us in suburban ministry, we need to be willing to metaphorically move into the neighborhood. We might need to sacrifice our material comfort (which frankly should be easy for many of us since pantry leaders tend to work for free). Our choices might need to look more like the choices our neighbors in need make than the ones our more affluent neighbors make. It might affect our home, or clothes, our car, our vacations. We might need to reexamine our material priorities.
We need to not only get to know those we work with personally, but invite them to labor alongside of us. We need to break bread together. We need to share information and resources with each other. We need to develop a different type of community while also nurturing individual development.
If you work in suburban ministry, I would love to hear from you about how this looks in your neighborhood. Leave a comment and lets start a conversation.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
How do you know if someone is being honest?
I get this question a lot. It's often phrased like "How do you know someone really has need?" or "What type of information do you check?"
The simple and short answer is that we don't know if someone is being honest with us or not. We extend them grace and acceptance, just like God extends to us, and we treat everyone who comes in the same.
Everyone who comes to us has need. On the surface, everyone is coming for food and other types of material assistance. But we all need grace. So if someone is coming to us without a sincere need for food, they still have a sincere need for grace and love and we try to demonstrate that. A couple bags of food is a small price to pay for this opportunity.
Some pantries do an extensive amount of paperwork in an effort to keep people honest. There is one large local pantry that requires a variety of paperwork (including birth certificates for everyone in your household), a signed referral from a church or other agency, and a waiting period while they check and verify all of your information. I sign these referrals sometimes, which always generates a phone call to make sure I am a real person who really signed the form and verify the person is in need of assistance.
I get it. I really do. They serve a lot more people than we do. This is their approach at being fair.
We do check a photo ID and ask for a current piece of mail to verify the address given to us. We check this about once a year on everyone, and reserve the right to do so more if we think something is going on. We are lenient about giving folks a few visits to produce this documentation. We are lenient with those who are homeless in terms of verifying an address. We have a 2 sided form that everyone fills out, which includes a pledge of honesty guests sign.
We have everyone fill out a brand new form about once a year. We go over their form with them every time they come in to make sure their information is correct.
Why don't we do more?
* It requires a large amount of volunteer time and effort to go more in depth with verifying info. That time could be better spent in more productive relationship building with people.
* If someone is really committed to lying to get some free food, they will work the system no matter how complex. If this happens, they obviously have some form of real need that should be addressed.
* If the system is too complex, vulnerable people will have barriers to getting assistance they truly need. Someone who is elderly, illiterate, undereducated, chronically ill, managing a house full of kids, working multiple jobs to make ends meet, non-English speaking, etc. is going to have a hard time completing a pile of paperwork in a timely fashion and may get into a more deeply critical situation.
* It is far better for a person's spirit to assume they are being honest until you have reason to believe otherwise. Believing the best about someone, especially someone who is going through a hard time, is a great gift.
* It is important to remember it's just "us" and not "us / them."
When I visited this large pantry, it was pretty clear that the staff and volunteers were superior. This doesn't mean that there weren't some very nice people there. But it was obvious from the way the application and check in process was run that they wanted to firmly establish the agency's dominance over it's clients. It made me a little uncomfortable. People were getting fed, but there was a subtle human cost.
My partner Laura does paperwork, files reports, keeps spreadsheets, etc. It is important to be business like and in control in some respects. We don't ignore this aspect.
However, a big part of how we know someone's level of need is that we try to get to know them. We have conversations. We hear their stories. We laugh together and cry together and pray together. This takes time.
My theory is that the "us-ness" of the way we run things is going to be very hard to stomach for those who might wish to be blatantly dishonest. Either this approach is going to change their heart, or they are going to go elsewhere for assistance. It happens, but those people are the minority.
* We've done this awhile. We aren't naive. People lie. Chances are, we can figure out pretty quickly when someone is being dishonest with us. Even with our simple paperwork, Laura has a great mind for picking up when something is "off."
It is almost never because they don't have a true need for food and support. It is usually centered around who lives in a household, because sometimes people will try to claim to be more households than they are to get more food. (ie - Multiple adults living under the same roof may try to make up an address.)
A friend once told me that if she were desperate to feed her family, she was sure she would falsify information if it meant she could get more food. It's dishonest but understandable. We hope if someone is that desperate they will figure out that they can talk to us and we can see how to dig deeper with them to help improve their situation. That's why we no longer distribute food based on family size. We don't want to set up a situation where someone might be tempted into dishonesty out of desperation.
If we have a sense someone is trying to pull one over on us, we generally give them a grace-filled chance to correct it. Asking someone to clarify something because we are confused or think we may have made a mistake on their paperwork is a good way to create a safe space for honesty.
Matthew 10:16 says we should be as shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves. That's where we try to land so that we can openly love on our neighbors while still being good stewards of our resources.
What makes us different?
Grace.
Our response to the grace God extends to us every day is to do the same for others.
The simple and short answer is that we don't know if someone is being honest with us or not. We extend them grace and acceptance, just like God extends to us, and we treat everyone who comes in the same.
Everyone who comes to us has need. On the surface, everyone is coming for food and other types of material assistance. But we all need grace. So if someone is coming to us without a sincere need for food, they still have a sincere need for grace and love and we try to demonstrate that. A couple bags of food is a small price to pay for this opportunity.
Some pantries do an extensive amount of paperwork in an effort to keep people honest. There is one large local pantry that requires a variety of paperwork (including birth certificates for everyone in your household), a signed referral from a church or other agency, and a waiting period while they check and verify all of your information. I sign these referrals sometimes, which always generates a phone call to make sure I am a real person who really signed the form and verify the person is in need of assistance.
I get it. I really do. They serve a lot more people than we do. This is their approach at being fair.
We do check a photo ID and ask for a current piece of mail to verify the address given to us. We check this about once a year on everyone, and reserve the right to do so more if we think something is going on. We are lenient about giving folks a few visits to produce this documentation. We are lenient with those who are homeless in terms of verifying an address. We have a 2 sided form that everyone fills out, which includes a pledge of honesty guests sign.
We have everyone fill out a brand new form about once a year. We go over their form with them every time they come in to make sure their information is correct.
Why don't we do more?
* It requires a large amount of volunteer time and effort to go more in depth with verifying info. That time could be better spent in more productive relationship building with people.
* If someone is really committed to lying to get some free food, they will work the system no matter how complex. If this happens, they obviously have some form of real need that should be addressed.
* If the system is too complex, vulnerable people will have barriers to getting assistance they truly need. Someone who is elderly, illiterate, undereducated, chronically ill, managing a house full of kids, working multiple jobs to make ends meet, non-English speaking, etc. is going to have a hard time completing a pile of paperwork in a timely fashion and may get into a more deeply critical situation.
* It is far better for a person's spirit to assume they are being honest until you have reason to believe otherwise. Believing the best about someone, especially someone who is going through a hard time, is a great gift.
* It is important to remember it's just "us" and not "us / them."
When I visited this large pantry, it was pretty clear that the staff and volunteers were superior. This doesn't mean that there weren't some very nice people there. But it was obvious from the way the application and check in process was run that they wanted to firmly establish the agency's dominance over it's clients. It made me a little uncomfortable. People were getting fed, but there was a subtle human cost.
My partner Laura does paperwork, files reports, keeps spreadsheets, etc. It is important to be business like and in control in some respects. We don't ignore this aspect.
However, a big part of how we know someone's level of need is that we try to get to know them. We have conversations. We hear their stories. We laugh together and cry together and pray together. This takes time.
My theory is that the "us-ness" of the way we run things is going to be very hard to stomach for those who might wish to be blatantly dishonest. Either this approach is going to change their heart, or they are going to go elsewhere for assistance. It happens, but those people are the minority.
* We've done this awhile. We aren't naive. People lie. Chances are, we can figure out pretty quickly when someone is being dishonest with us. Even with our simple paperwork, Laura has a great mind for picking up when something is "off."
It is almost never because they don't have a true need for food and support. It is usually centered around who lives in a household, because sometimes people will try to claim to be more households than they are to get more food. (ie - Multiple adults living under the same roof may try to make up an address.)
A friend once told me that if she were desperate to feed her family, she was sure she would falsify information if it meant she could get more food. It's dishonest but understandable. We hope if someone is that desperate they will figure out that they can talk to us and we can see how to dig deeper with them to help improve their situation. That's why we no longer distribute food based on family size. We don't want to set up a situation where someone might be tempted into dishonesty out of desperation.
If we have a sense someone is trying to pull one over on us, we generally give them a grace-filled chance to correct it. Asking someone to clarify something because we are confused or think we may have made a mistake on their paperwork is a good way to create a safe space for honesty.
Matthew 10:16 says we should be as shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves. That's where we try to land so that we can openly love on our neighbors while still being good stewards of our resources.
What makes us different?
Grace.
Our response to the grace God extends to us every day is to do the same for others.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Us
If you get nothing else from this blog and whatever else is to come here, I hope you come away with an understand that people who use food pantries are not somehow "other."
I am going to get back to this point time and again, but today I want to focus on appearance.
I get the occasional opportunity to talk with groups of kids. I love to ask them if they think the people who come to the pantry are any different than they are. It's a fun exercise, because it's a trick question. It really gets the kids thinking and talking. Kids tend to be more honest about such things.
There are always at least a few who raise their hand to say that yes, people who use the pantry are definitely different than themselves.
I tell them they are right.
I have the kids look around at each other and notice all the ways they are different. We talk about how their families are different, and how they like to eat different foods. We are all different. Having to use a food pantry is just one difference.
We are all different, and yet the same.
The answer is also that people who use the pantry are not very different form us at all.
Really, what some of these kids are getting at is that food pantry guest must be substantially different. That there is only different and no same. That "they" are other, and not part of "us."
Often, kids will tell me that people who use a food pantry must have ragged clothes or be dirty or not have shoes.. In some food assistance programs, such as feeding programs for the homeless, this might be true. I think we see these images in the media a lot, so this sticks with us.
If some of you are honest with yourselves, that might be the image you have of a typical pantry client.
I run a suburban pantry. In terms of dress, appearance, and cleanliness, I see the same range at the pantry that I would see at the grocery store. Because many we serve are working poor, people may be dressed nicely from work, or wearing a uniform, just like some of you do. People may also look pretty ratty, but I have plenty of those days myself.
The other "difference" kids mention is skin color. I have had a few groups where someone has said "People who use the pantry have dark skin."
The first time I heard that, I was saddened by what I perceived as deeply ingrained racial prejudices at such a young age.
Then I realized......our church had just hosted a Feed My Starving Children food packing event. There had been posters and videos all over the place featuring dark skinned children from Africa and Haiti.
This led to a good teachable moment. We had a great talk about the difference between suburban American food insecurity and Third World country hunger and starvation.
But I'm betting some of you have the "dark skin" misconception as well. I am betting you are not thinking of the kids in Africa.
Well, guess what. We do serve people with dark skin. And pale skin. And everywhere in between. With only one exception, the racial mix that we see in our pantry is very much like our community, which is pretty diverse. (The biggest difference is that despite a high south Asian population in our area, we have never once served a south Asian family. We have only rarely served Asian Americans. I haven't done my research, but I suspect there are some deep cultural reasons for this.) My guess is that if there is a pantry within a 10 mile radius of your home, the people who go there look a lot like your neighbors.
I need to switch gears here...
I wrote most of this post last night, put it aside to finish later and went to bed.
Today, I went into the pantry and found a number of bags donated by a small local church plant that meets in an area hotel. I had talked with these folks, and knew they were working on this. They are good people with good intentions.
What shocked me was the note attached to the bags they had used to collect food:
"With the crime rater in Richmond on the rise we have been praying for the safety of your neighborhood. In an effort to help those who might consider crime out of desperation we are doing a food drive."
While the intention was a good one, the assumption behind this message deeply saddens me.
This blog is young. I don't have time in one post to tell you about all of my friends who come through the pantry. Suffice it to say that the 70 year old widow trying to buy medication and struggling to pay for food, the single mom just trying to feed the kids, the educated but underemployed middle class man I know are not your crime problem. Has anyone we serve ever committed a crime? I expect so, in much the same way I suspect that in any group involving hundreds of people this could be the case. I do not expect the crime rate among those we see is much different than the general population of the community they come from.
Listen, we need to keep talking about this. Follow this blog. Share it with your friends. Start a conversation on your Facebook page. Talk about it over the water cooler.
It's not "us" and "them."
It's just "us."
Let's work on changing the conversation.
I am going to get back to this point time and again, but today I want to focus on appearance.
I get the occasional opportunity to talk with groups of kids. I love to ask them if they think the people who come to the pantry are any different than they are. It's a fun exercise, because it's a trick question. It really gets the kids thinking and talking. Kids tend to be more honest about such things.
There are always at least a few who raise their hand to say that yes, people who use the pantry are definitely different than themselves.
I tell them they are right.
I have the kids look around at each other and notice all the ways they are different. We talk about how their families are different, and how they like to eat different foods. We are all different. Having to use a food pantry is just one difference.
We are all different, and yet the same.
The answer is also that people who use the pantry are not very different form us at all.
Really, what some of these kids are getting at is that food pantry guest must be substantially different. That there is only different and no same. That "they" are other, and not part of "us."
Often, kids will tell me that people who use a food pantry must have ragged clothes or be dirty or not have shoes.. In some food assistance programs, such as feeding programs for the homeless, this might be true. I think we see these images in the media a lot, so this sticks with us.
If some of you are honest with yourselves, that might be the image you have of a typical pantry client.
I run a suburban pantry. In terms of dress, appearance, and cleanliness, I see the same range at the pantry that I would see at the grocery store. Because many we serve are working poor, people may be dressed nicely from work, or wearing a uniform, just like some of you do. People may also look pretty ratty, but I have plenty of those days myself.
The other "difference" kids mention is skin color. I have had a few groups where someone has said "People who use the pantry have dark skin."
The first time I heard that, I was saddened by what I perceived as deeply ingrained racial prejudices at such a young age.
Then I realized......our church had just hosted a Feed My Starving Children food packing event. There had been posters and videos all over the place featuring dark skinned children from Africa and Haiti.
This led to a good teachable moment. We had a great talk about the difference between suburban American food insecurity and Third World country hunger and starvation.
But I'm betting some of you have the "dark skin" misconception as well. I am betting you are not thinking of the kids in Africa.
Well, guess what. We do serve people with dark skin. And pale skin. And everywhere in between. With only one exception, the racial mix that we see in our pantry is very much like our community, which is pretty diverse. (The biggest difference is that despite a high south Asian population in our area, we have never once served a south Asian family. We have only rarely served Asian Americans. I haven't done my research, but I suspect there are some deep cultural reasons for this.) My guess is that if there is a pantry within a 10 mile radius of your home, the people who go there look a lot like your neighbors.
I need to switch gears here...
I wrote most of this post last night, put it aside to finish later and went to bed.
Today, I went into the pantry and found a number of bags donated by a small local church plant that meets in an area hotel. I had talked with these folks, and knew they were working on this. They are good people with good intentions.
What shocked me was the note attached to the bags they had used to collect food:
"With the crime rater in Richmond on the rise we have been praying for the safety of your neighborhood. In an effort to help those who might consider crime out of desperation we are doing a food drive."
While the intention was a good one, the assumption behind this message deeply saddens me.
This blog is young. I don't have time in one post to tell you about all of my friends who come through the pantry. Suffice it to say that the 70 year old widow trying to buy medication and struggling to pay for food, the single mom just trying to feed the kids, the educated but underemployed middle class man I know are not your crime problem. Has anyone we serve ever committed a crime? I expect so, in much the same way I suspect that in any group involving hundreds of people this could be the case. I do not expect the crime rate among those we see is much different than the general population of the community they come from.
Listen, we need to keep talking about this. Follow this blog. Share it with your friends. Start a conversation on your Facebook page. Talk about it over the water cooler.
It's not "us" and "them."
It's just "us."
Let's work on changing the conversation.
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